


The Importance of Being Honest

by probablyonfire



Category: CW Network RPF, Supernatural RPF
Genre: Coming Out, First Time, Fluff, Homophobia, Internalized Homophobia, J2, M/M, Mild Angst, Recreational Drug Use, Schmoop, Season 2
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-11-23
Updated: 2013-11-23
Packaged: 2018-01-02 11:19:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 14,397
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1056145
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/probablyonfire/pseuds/probablyonfire
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Jensen finally gets around to telling Jared he's gay. Nothing goes as he expected.</p><p>Schmoop, mild angst, more schmoop, more mild angst, then porn. Also pictures! Including twinkJensen and Jared's butt. Because pictures are awesome.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Importance of Being Honest

**Author's Note:**

> This fic features a very naive, innocent, excitable, puppyish Jared. If that's not your thing, run away! Also he's incredibly ignorant about different sexualities and kind of homophobic, although it's homophobia more born of ignorance than any malice. You have been warned!
> 
> Also I know nothing about Vancouver, gay clubs therein, or Canadian gay culture at all. Apologies to anyone who does.
> 
> Takes place, like most of my J2 fics, in a significant-others-free alternate universe.
> 
> Ameri-pickers welcome.
> 
> I wavered between 'including pictures will make this look like a ten-year-old's school project' and 'but pictures!' and went with the pictures, because the boys are pretty and we all deserve to look at them as much as possible. If any of the images are yours, comment for credit or removal. 
> 
> Here goes nothing.

When Jared texts Jensen a couple of weeks before the end of hiatus – ' _In lala, we drinkin?'_ and Jensen fires one back straight away - ' _you know it BJ'_ Jensen thinks ruefully to himself that he probably won't be able to abbreviate Big Jare to BJ any more, and realises he's going to tell him tonight.

Jensen hadn't really planned on telling him, now or ever, but then, he hadn't really planned on Jared becoming his best friend, either, hadn't planned on the late-night steakhouses or the drunken movie marathons or Jared tearing holes in Jensen's socks with his too-big feet.

 

 

So when he got the call – the call he'd been dreading and hoping for in equal measure, telling him they'd been renewed for another season, he knew he had to. It just didn't seem fair to keep lying to someone who was rapidly becoming the most important person in his life, after his family. Jensen's pretty clear with himself on what counts as lying, and this deliberate ommision of the truth definitely counts.

In the last couple of months, he's planned out every possible way of saying it. He thought of trying to drop it casually into conversation, mentioning some guy he's hooked up with and hoping Jared would just go with it, or waiting until Jared mentioned a girl he's into and saying something like 'Not really my thing, dude.' He thought of doing something cutesy and camp like drawing Jared a picture and leaving it on his fridge, or photoshopping his head onto every single page of a gay porn mag, or just waiting in Jared's closet until he opened it and then leaping out and yelling 'Surprise!'

But after a solid year of lying (yes, it is lying, and Jensen's not _guilty_ because you do what you have to do in this town, but that doesn't mean he's deluded about it) to the guy, Jensen figured Jared deserved something a little less blasé. He knows – he's sure – that Jared will be fine with it, but that doesn't mean he won't need time to adjust. So.Geronimo.

Jared's waiting for him in the bar, hideous pink shirt and all, and when he leaps up to greet Jensen, grin nearly splitting his face in two and hair a little longer than Jensen remembers, he knocks over both the drinks on the table, just like Jensen knew he would. And after the 'hey, lil' brother', the hugs (being hugged by Jared is like being crushed by twin boa constrictors, except that boa constrictors probably don't smell as good), the compulsory mocking of Jared's appearance, and the first few glorious chugs of beer, it's easy to look Jared in the eye and say 'So, there's something I need to tell you before we head back up.'

'Oh yeah?'

'Yeah, I just. You're pretty much my best friend, and it looks like we're gonna be working together another year, and....I don't, really, tell anyone this. At all. Hollywood, you know. But it's you. So.'

'Spit, Jen.'

'I'm gay.'

Jensen's looking down at the table, drawing on his beermat with a wet finger, and he's waiting for Jared to crack up and laugh and say something like 'I knew it, you're way too vain to be straight,' or get annoyed that he hasn't told him, but he isn't. There's just silence, and Jensen begins to feel a cold lump growing in his stomach at the thought that maybe he's really, really misjudged this.

He forces himself to look up at Jared's face and what he sees there throws him, because....he'd expected Jared to be surprised, but. not _that_ surprised. There are some pretty clear signs. But the look on Jared's face is pure shock, absolute disbelief dropping his jaw and widening his eyes.

Jensen waits for him so say something, but he doesn't, and Jensen finds himself rambling to cover the silence.

'I, uh, I'm sorry I never said, it's just, kind of a secret, and I didn't think we'd be doing this very long, but now we're....and I just thought you should know so you could....I mean, in case you needed to...'

Jared's still looking at him as if Ashton Kutcher's about to leap out of a corner, and this isn't going as well as Jensen had hoped at all.

'...in case it wasn't. Um. Ok with you.' (Where did that come from? He doesn't need Jared's permission.)

Jared startles at that, seems to realise he's still gaping, eyes darting to meet Jensen's and away again. He runs a hand through his hair and clears his throat, reaches out towards Jensen and then pulls back.

'God,' he says, hoarsely. 'Of course. Of course it's _ok with me._ Dude. It's...you....we're...how could you even think I'd.....Jen, are you sure?'

Jensen laughs abruptly, then realises Jared's serious.

'Uh, yeah, dude, I'm pretty sure.'

Some of the colour is draining back into Jared's face, and he's beginning to smile again.

'Huh,' he says. 'Sorry, man. Sorry. I'm just....I had no idea. But, uhm, thanks for telling me. Appreciate it. And, you know. It's all cool.' He grins, the proper Jared grin, and punches Jensen lightly across the table. 'I still love ya.'

And that seems to be it. For the rest of the night, Jared's normal, they're normal, and Jensen wakes up the next day with vague memories of Jared attempting to use a barmat as a lassoo and of being forced to sing karaoke with some chick that Jared insisted was Hannah Montana, but Jensen's pretty sure it wasn't.

 

But he can still see Jared's face staring back at him, pale and shellshocked.

 

 ----

 

First day back on set, and Jensen's pretty sure he needn't have worried. Jared's just as he always was, energetic and sincere and hilarious and overly affectionate and slightly dog-scented. Nothing's changed in front of the cameras, either; it takes a few takes for them to sink back into their characters, to shrug on the road and the miles and the mess, but it's still _there_ , that snap and crackle between them.

 

A week in, though, Jensen's not so certain. Jensen keeps catching Jared looking at him, out of the corner of his eye, with an intense, focused expression he's never seen on him before; as if Jensen's a crossword clue he can't quite get, or one of those magic eye images that he'll be able to see, if only he stares at the right spot. He always looks away when Jensen turns round. Jensen doesn't say anything, but he can feel Jared's scrutiny on his shoulders like a weight.

 

\-----

 

'Yo Jare!,' calls Jensen as he heads for his trailer. 'We watching the game tonight?'

Jared looks up from where he's greeting the dogs, barely able to contain themselves after a long day locked up in Jared's trailer. 'Yup,' he grins, rubbing Harley's stomach and letting Sadie lick his face. 'My place?'

'Sure. Coronas or Coors?'

'Coronas, man. Come on.'

Jensen rolls his eyes and turns away, but his steps falter when he hears Jared clear his throat behind him and say hesitantly 'Or, you know. Whatever you want, dude. Anything you feel like. We should probably try something else one of these days. Wine! Or, uh. Maybe we could, uh. Make cocktails or something.'

Jensen frowns briefly, shakes his head and says 'Coronas.'

 

\---- 

 

Jensen hits the couch at a run, hurls himself over the back and crashes bonelessly into its soft, loving embrace.

'Ah, baby,' he groans, flicking the top off his beer and stretching deliciously, 'I missed you. Did you miss me? I missed you.' He looks up at Jared, who's standing over him with a broad smile on his face, winks and says 'She missed me.'

Jared looks strangely puzzled for a fleeting second, then he snorts and flops onto his own couch. 'Dude, it still amazes me every time how you manage to practically backflip on there without your beer getting all fizzy. Also if you break my couch, you're buying me a new one.'

'It takes great skill and atheleticism. You have to make the beer your centre of gravity. My whole body moves; the beer doesn't. I should break your couch on purpose for what you did to my shower.'

'Your shower was a piece of crap.'

'A fair point.'

Jensen grins and holds out his beer for Jared to clink. 'But seriously, I've missed this.'

'Yeah,' says Jared, taking a deep draught of his beer and pushing messy bangs out of his eyes. 'Hell yeah.' He reaches for the remote, goes to flick the TV on, and then hesitates, and turns back towards Jensen.

'Jen?'

'Yeah?'

'You know....we don't have to watch the game. We could watch something else. If you wanted.'

'What?' Jensen twists round so that he can see Jared's face, because increasingly he doesn't understand what the fuck is going on.

'Nothin', just- If you'd rather watch something else, we could do that, y'know. It's not even an important game, I mean it's pretty much in the bag, right?'

'Jared, we always watch the game. What else would I want to watch?'

'I dunno, man, you tell me.'

Jared sounds almost agitated, now, cheeks a little red and eyes not meeting Jensen's, and there's a cold block of something a bit like anger but more like fear settling in Jensen's stomach, because he thinks maybe he understands now. The weird looks, and that thing with the drinks, and now this.

'Jared,' he says, trying to keep his voice light, 'Do you think that because I'm gay, I don't like football? Or _beer?'_

Jared goes even redder, laughs unconvincingly. 'No, I don't mean that. I mean, I don't know. Do you? I just wanted to...' he sighs, turns his big hazel eyes on Jensen. '...I dunno, get to know you? Let you know you don't have to....pretend, any more? Something.'

Jensen folds his arms across his chest, stares Jared down. 'Jared. I'm not 'pretending.' I want to watch the game and drink our beers and do all the shit we normally do, ok? And what the hell do you mean, get to know me? You already know me. Hey, it's me, Jensen.' He waves sarcastically.

Jared's dropped his head and he's staring at his big feet in his worn Space Invaders socks 

'Well,' he mumbles. 'I thought I did.'

Oh. Ok. So Jared's hurt that Jensen didn't tell him earlier. That's understandable. Jensen sighs, gets up, and drops onto the couch next to Jared.

'Hey, Jay,' he says softly, trying to peer through Jared's curtains of hair. 'I'm sorry I didn't tell you before, man. I am.'

'You just...' says Jared quietly, still not looking up, 'you think you know a guy. And I thought....I mean, you're like my best friend. You're like a big brother, a really cool, awesome big brother, and I...'

Jared gives a little self-conscious laugh and finally meets Jensen's eyes, and Jensen's struck by how young he looks, how innocent. He often forgets how young Jared is, the difference between them getting lost in Jared's size and his dedication and his unflagging exuberance. But looking at his face now, eyes awkward and vulnerable, skin smooth and warm.... _he's just a kid,_ thinks Jensen.

'...I look up to you, man.' Jared's half – smiling, ready to deflect the expected jibe with humor if necessary, but he carries on. 'And then I find out that there's this big thing that I don't know about you, and....how am I supposed to know what's real any more?'

'Jared, it's all real! I haven't-'

' _I just wish you'd stop pretending,'_ says Jared in a rush, his voice fierce and unexpected.

'Pretending what?'

'Pretending...pretending to be normal!' Jared's on his feet now, backing away from the couch and gesturing with his long arms. 'To be this all-American guy who likes steaks and the Cowboys! You don't have to! I'm your friend and if you wanna talk about fashion, or, or theatre, or, you know, _guys,_ carpets, _whatever_ , then I want to! _You're allowed to act gay around me._ '

There's silence, punctuated only by Jared's breathing.

Jensen stands up, slowly. 'You finished, Jay?'

Jared's got his hands on his hips, chest rising and falling, face flushed and a little defiant. 'Yeah.'

Jensen strolls over to the chair where he's dropped his coat and pulls it on, his voice deceptively casual..

'Well, Jared, this has been..... _educational,_ but as much as I'd like to stay here and _act gay_ for you, I've got some important fucking flower arranging and interior design to do, so I'm gonna have to bail.'

'Jensen, what - '

'This has been fun, though. Must chat again sometime. See you on set, Jared.'

Jensen very carefully does not slam the door behind him

 

\---- 

 

Life without Jared is hell.

Jensen tells himself that 'hell' is an exaggeration. It's not _hell,_ it's just....vastly inferior to life with Jared as his best friend. Especially when Jared's always around, everywhere Jensen looks on set, constantly sidling up to Jensen to try to talk to him and shooting big, hurt, puppy-dog eyes his way.

Still, it's not Jensen's fault that Jared is a bigoted asshole.

Jared attempts to apologise to Jensen at least once a day. The first time, Jensen heard him out, then nodded and said 'Thankyou, Jared, apology accepted,' and walked away. Since then he's just been shutting the door on him, or leaving the room. He doesn't need to hear it again. He doesn't need to hear anything Jared's got to say.

 

\----

 

Jensen opens the door and is immediately hit in the face by a shower of confetti. He jerks his head back, batting away the swirling flurry of white, and stares around his trailer in disblief. The whole trailer is covered in tiny scraps of paper, stuck to the walls, the furniture, piled up in heaps on the floor. Jensen brushes one off his shoulder and squints at it. It says, in tiny handwriting, on both sides, _I'm sorry._ Jensen drops it and picks up another, and then a couple more. They all have it, scrawled on there in Jared's distinctive hand. There must be thousands and thousands of them in here.

'Very cute, Jared.'

Jared laughs from where he's sitting on the couch. Jensen's couch. Jensen isn't sure whether the bits of paper stuck in his hair are intentional or not.

'I hoped you'd like it.'

'I do. Now, out.'

'I knew you'd say that. Which is why I did this.' Jared holds up one arm, grinning happily, and oh, dear God, are those...?

'Jared, have you handcuffed yourself to my fucking couch?'

'Yep. Now you can't throw me out.'

Jensen closes his eyes. He's so tired. 'Are you serious?'

'Yep!' says Jared brightly. “I'm not telling you where the key is until you hear me out.You can't move the couch, it's bolted to the floor, and you can go away and leave me here, but.....eventually, I'm gonna need a piss, so....it'd be better if you got me offa here before that.'

'Jesus, Jared.' Jensen scrubs a hand over his exhausted face, sighs resignedly, and then lowers his aching body onto the couch opposite Jared. 'Make it quick. I just....I need to sleep.'

Jared's eyes are soft and determined.

'Okay,' he says. 'First, I'm sorry.' He waves a handful of the 'I'm sorry' confetti to emphasise his point. 'What I said was really, really stupid. I didn't get why at first, and then I thought about it for a while and I think I get it. I was like...stereotyping you. And kind of, accusing you of lying?'

'Jared,' interrupts Jensen. 'It's ok. I told you. I know you weren't being a dick on purpose. I get that shit all the time, alright? I just....didn't expect it from you. I thought you....I thought we were....Anyway, I'm over it. Now will you please get the fuck off my couch so I can go home and go to bed?'

'No! I mean yes, soon, but just....hear me out first, ok?' Jared doesn't wait for Jensen to reply, but surges straight on, the words bursting out of him as if they've been dammed up in there for a long time. 'I.....I don't know anything. About all of this. About...gay stuff. I've never had a gay friend before. I've never met any gay people. I'm seriously.....ignorant. Like a kid. From Texas. And I always thought that if I met a gay person I'd be cool about it, and then I went and fucked everything and I'm so sorry. Jensen, I'm a kid from Texas and I don't know anything.'

There's a pause while Jared catches his breath and Jensen stares at Jared, trying to process what he just said.

'Jared, you've been in Hollywood for over four years? What do you mean, you haven't met any gay people?'

'I just haven't! I mean, not to talk to. I mean, I saw Neil Patrick Harris at a party once, but that's about it. And I saw a parade. And I once slept with a girl who was in lesbian porn, but I don't know if that....and we didn't really talk that much....Jensen, you have to help me.'

Jensen doesn't know whether to laugh at Jared or shake him.

'Jared, you know _lots_ of gay people. What about [Darren](http://i20.photobucket.com/albums/b247/DementiaStitches/darren.png)? Or [Todd](http://www.supernaturalwiki.com/index.php?title=Todd_Scott)? Or Lianne?'

'Darren's gay?'

'Yes!'

'Wait.... _Todd's_ gay?'

'Yes, Jared!'

'Huh. But he always seems so normal....Oh, God, I did it again. I'm sorry. I'm so sorry. Being gay is normal. I just....he's.....'

'Manly?'

Jared flushes bright red, drops his head and stares at his hands curling abortively in his lap. 'Yeah.'

Jensen sighs, tips his head back and finds himself beginning to smile, amusement bubbling up from somewhere deep inside him.

'My God, Jared. You really have no gaydar at all, do you?'

Jared shakes his head miserably.

'Well, on the bright side, you probably have _lots_ of gay friends.You just don't know it. Like....you know about Tom and Mike, right?'

Jared's head snaps up, mouth slightly open. 'Know _what_ about Tom and Mike?'

Jensen just looks steadily back at him, watches the penny – pennies – drop. It's more like a cascade, actually. It's raining pennies.

' _No way,'_ breathes Jared incredulously. 'No _way!_ '

'Yes way.'

'That....actually explains a lot of things,' says Jared thoughtfully, and then his face cracks into an explosive grin. 'That explains a whole shitload of things! Dude! But...they're costars!'

'Yeah, well. They're also crazy adrenilane junkies who enjoy doing dumb shit. Well, Mike is. Tom's just...who knows. Anyway, Jared, we're way off track. Can we do the whole unlocking/leaving/sleeping for a year thing now?'

Jared's still gazing into space with a glazed expression, and Jensen almost feels sorry for him, because he's got quite good at blocking out the mental images (and fairly graphic memories, because those guys are _not discreet)_ but Jared has no such defences, and is probably getting mind-fucked by a shitload of awful, pornographic, baldy-superman-roleplay imaginings right now.

'Uh,' Jared says weakly, shaking his head as if to dispell the horror, 'No. Jensen, you have to teach me. Seriously. This conversation has just proved how little I know about anything. Everything I know about gay culture I learned from one fucking episode of Will & Grace. I'm an ignorant hick, Jen, and I've hurt my best friend, and I need you to to de-redneckify me. And I need you to be my friend again, because if you don't....I don't know. I can't – I can't do this, I can't be up here in the cold so far away from everyone and have you hate me as well, I'll just die. I'll just sit here on this couch crying in a pile of my own crap until I die of starvation, or go crazy and eat my own legs and fling poop at people. And it'll be your fault. You're laughing like I'm not serious, motherfucker, but I'm serious. I will eat your couch.

Jensen tries to stop laughing and speak, raising a placatory hand, but Jared's on a roll.

'And then you'll have my family to deal with. My mom is scary, and my brother – my brother is really big. He could pick you up with one hand. He could just....but maybe you'd like that? Hey, what kind of guys do you like? Big ones or small ones? If you like small ones you wouldn't like bing picked up by Jeff. His hands are like, the size of hubcaps. Oh, God, I just said something incredibly uncool again, didn't I? I'm such a dickwad, seriously, this is why you need to help me! Anyway, if I die from couch poisoning or drowning in my own poop he'll come up here and mm ffmmmmph nggggmmm.'

Jensen waits until Jared's stopped gesturing and eye-rolling, and then gently removes his hand from where it's clamped over Jared's mouth.

'Jared,' he says, softly. 'Stop. Listen to me.'

Jared nods obediently, eyes fixed on Jensen's face.

'Five things, okay? One: You are a dumbass. Two: You are also an ignorant redneck. Three: I'm not exactly an expert on gay culture. I don't go to groups or marches or really do anything except have sex with guys sometimes. Four: Pretty much all I can teach you is...gay people are just people. We're all different. We all like different stuff. The only thing you can safely assume when someone says they're gay is that they prefer their own sex, and....I'd be careful even with that. Now wait here.'

Jensen gets up and heads for the door.

'Wait,' calls Jared sharply. 'Where are you going? Jensen, please...what's five? Don't go!' But Jensen is already down the steps and jogging across the cold lot, Jared's wail of 'WHAT'S NUMBER FIVE?' floating after him.

'Number five,' says Jensen briskly as he strides back into the trailer a couple of minutes later, trying not to look at Jared's dejected face or the hope in his eyes, 'is that I've missed you, you dick.' He crouches down in front of Jared, grabs his arm and begins unlocking the handcuffs with the key he just retrieved from Jared's trailer.

'How did you..?'

'Jared, your secret hiding place really isn't that secret.'

'What? It's super-secret!'

Jensen raises an eyebrow and waggles the key. Jared deflates, and then looks apprehensively up at Jensen through his bangs.

'So....we're friends again, right?'

Jensen rolls his eyes. 'Yeah,' he says fondly. 'C'mere.' He pulls Jared to his feet and wraps him up in a warm hug; Jared burrows his face into Jensen's neck and holds on as if he never wants to let go.

'And,' he mumbles against Jensen's skin, 'you'll teach me the ways of the gays?'

Jensen steps back and smirks at Jared. 'I don't think you want that, dude.'

Jared flushes again and grins, shoving at Jensen. 'Ass. Not in a buttsex way. You couldn't afford all of this.' He gestures at himself and shimmies a little.

Jensen shrugs. 'Like I said, I'm not an expert. But yeah, I mean, you can ask me stuff,. I guess.'

'Great!' crows Jared enthusiastically. 'Ok, so how do you....'

' _Not_ now,' cuts in Jensen. 'Seriously man, I'm asleep on my feet here and my back is _killing_ me. I'm going home to sleep, probably for the entire weekend. We'll start another day. Alright?'

'Alright,' sighs Jared. 'Alright. Just....thankyou. I love you, man.' He grabs Jensen into another hug, lifting him right off the ground this time, and then glances guiltily around at the drifts of paper still carpeting the entire interior of Jensen's trailer. 'I'll, uh, I'll clean all this up. I promise. But not now. I'm actually pretty tired as well. I haven't been sleeping that well lately.'

'Goodnight, Jay,' says Jensen pointedly. 

'Night, Jen.'

 

 -----

 

Jensen wasn't expecting Jared to have so _many_ questions, or that he'd be this intensely curious about _every_ aspect of his sexuality. Jensen's fairly sure Jared actually has a list somewhere, probably entitled 'Mission: Ways of the Gays (no buttsex)' possibly with some kind of indexing system. He's seen Jared like this before; when Jared gets interested in something, he becomes kind of obsessive. He's capable of absorbing huge amounts of information in a short time, most of which is regurgitated enthusiastically at anyone who'll listen. Jensen still remembers his short-lived Canadian Military phase.

And over the next few weeks, as the floodgates of Jared's insatiable need for information well and truly open, Jensen begins to realise the true enormity of Jared's ignorance about....certain things.

A case in point.

'Sho,' mumbles Jared around a mouthful of chicken, before remembering his manners and covering his mouth with his hand until he's finished chewing, 'How do you decide who gets to....you know?'

Jensen looks up from his lasagne. There's something green in it, and he doesn't know what it is. It doesn't really taste of anything.

'Who gets to what?'

'Who get to be the one who....you know. And who has to. Uh. Take it up the butt.'

Jensen nearly snorts the mysterious green chunks out of his nose.

'Dude,' he says.

'I just...I mean, do you just flip a coin? Or is there some kind of....turn-based currency system? Or is it just automatically whoever's smaller? What? Why are you laughing, man, I'm interested!'

'Seriously?'

'Jensen, it's a simple question.'

Jensen sighs, shakes his head, and gets a leash on his sarcasm.

'Well,' he says, shrugging awkwardly, 'Most people have a preference one way or the other. Some guys like both and in that case I guess you just....figure it out. Go with the flow. Everyone's different, dude. What? What's with your face?' He pokes Jared with his fork; Jared's face is stuck in a puzzled frown.

'Um,' says Jared. 'Preference? Like...some dudes actually....uh....like taking it up the butt?'

'Oh, man,' says Jensen. 'I am not being paid enough for this.'

'Does that mean yes? _Why?_ Doesn't it hurt? _'_

'Jesus, Jared. I'm not having this conversation with you over lunch. Google 'prostate.' Google is your friend.'

'Okay,' says Jared. 'Have you ever slept with Todd?'

'No. But if you don't stop asking if I've slept with every single male crew member, I will. In your trailer, on your couch. In front of your dogs. So stop.'

'Okay. What are those green bits in your lasagne?'

 

 ----

 

Jensen finds himself telling a few more people. Just because....he doesn't know why, really. It seems a little ridiulous keeping it such a secret, now that Jared's rambling on about it 24/7.

And on that subject....Jensen's pretty sure he's going to hunt down whoever invented Google and kiss them on the mouth.

'Jen, what's the Kinsey scale?'

'Google, Jared.'

\---

'Hey Jen, what's rimming?'

'Google, Jared.'

\---

'Jen, I looked up rimming and I don't get it. Do you guys just.....not mind the taste?'

'We _wash,_ Jared and you need to talk a _lot_ more quietly.'

 ---

'Jen, what's a creampie?'

'Jesus, Jared, Google!'

 

\----

'Jen, I don't understand what buttplugs are actually _for._ I always thought they were to stop you from farting?'

'God _damnitt_ it Jared, Google!'

\---

'Hey, Jen!'

'Hey,' Jensen calls out, unpacking beers onto Jared's counter and beginning to put them in the fridge. 'You alive? Do you feel like salsa, or sour cream & chives?'

He pops two beers and heads into the living room, feeling slightly off-kilter. Jared doesn't need to come and meet him at the door, because he has a key, but he usually does anyway. Today, though, he's still curled up on his couch with his laptop, eyes glued to the screen.

'Uhh,' says Jared absently, 'I dunno, whichever. Uh, Jen, what's a twink?'

'Jared, seriously, _Goo-_ '

'Yeah, yeah, Google, I did already.' Jared looks up at Jensen for the first time and Jensen's stomach does a kind of lurching flip-flop at his slightly flushed cheeks, dark intense gaze and the wicked little smirk beginning to take hold of one corner of his mouth.

Uh oh.

Jensen's never laid claim to any kind of psychic powers, but right now, he's having some pretty clear premonitions about how the next couple of minutes are going to go.

Fuck, he's going to hunt down whoever invented Google and stab them in the face.

'There's a lot of pictures of you here, Jensen.'

'Where?'

'Ninetiestwink dot com.'

There it is.

 

'Yeah, well,' says Jensen, in as gruff a voice as he can muster, flinging himself heavily onto the couch and taking a big swig of his beer. He's manly. He's butch as all hell.'I was a teenage soap star. Slash model. My fanbase consisted entirely of preteen girls and gay men.'

Jared seems to be glued to the screen again, clicking through pictures.

'I like this one with the monkey,' says Jared. 'You look like Richie Sambora.

Wow, a lot of haybales in this one. Is that tan real?

Oh my _God.'_ Jared starts letting out little snorts of laughter, little huffing giggles straight from his lungs.

'What?' snaps Jensen sourly.

'Cowboy,' is all Jared can manage before 'Jensen,' he says. He sounds like he's either going to laugh, or choke. 'Jensen, you're not wearing any _pants._ '

 

'Shut up.'

'Why aren't you wearing any _pants?'_

'Shut up.'

'I just – I don't understand why you – hey!' Jared's face emerges, grinning, from behind the cushion Jensen pelted at him. 'I'd say this was perfect blackmail material, but _man,_ they're already on the internet. No wonder our fans are so nuts. They're all waiting for you to get your pants off....ow!'

'I'm not talking to you,' grumbles Jensen, waving his last couch cushion menacingly before turning his back on Jared and staring at the TV.

'Aw, don't be like that, Jenny!'

'You call me Jenny again, you're gonna get hurt, boy.'

'Now c'mon, Jenny, I understand, sometimes you just gotta rock out with y'...'

Jared doesn't get to finish his sentence, because Jensen's tackled him off the couch onto the floor. Jared recovers quickly and manages to flip them back over, yelling a war-cry, but he doesn't have the upper hand for long; Jared may be big, but he discovered a long time ago that Jensen's a lot stronger than he looks. And he looks pretty strong.

 

\----

 

Jared sneaks up behind Jensen, claps a massive palm across his eyes and says, in a squeaky voice vaguely reminiscent of Miss Piggy, 'Guess who?'

'Ricky Martin,' sighs Jensen, elbowing Jared in the ribs. One day, Jared's going to learn to be quieter, but probably not any time soon. Jared just laughs, rests his chin on Jensen's shoulder; and reaches around to steal a potato chip from the bag he's holding.

Jensen's glad it's Jared, and that all his zero-personal-space touchy-feelyness is normal and doesn't mean anything, because if someone else were to do this to Jensen all the time – someone else as attractive and loveable as Jared – it could be kind of awkward.

So it's a good thing it's just Jared, and it's not.

Jensen's so busy concentrating on how wonderful and normal and platonic and unarousing their relationship is that he realises he hasn't really been listening to what Jared's saying.

'...so I'll have to take them now, and I can't take them that way because there's this angry black Staffy that wants to kill Harley so I'll have to take them to the park even though there are those geese there, so if you don't mind, can you get it on your way? Get me some duck and you can get those pork balls or whatever. And rice. Lots of rice. Oh, and spring rolls! Although, remember last time we had those and you got the shits? Although that might have been the beer. Get them anyway, we'll run an experiment. And do you have any beer? I think Rosy drank the last of mine.' Jared's holding onto Jensen's hips, chin still on his shoulder, shuffling along behind him as Jensen half-heartedly tries to get away.

'What?' says Jensen, confused. 'I'm not coming over to your place tonight, am I?'

'What? Aren't you? Why?'

'Uh...there isn't a game on, and I. Well, actually, I've got plans with Todd and Darren.'

'But you always come to my place on a Friday!'

Jensen stops, gently detatches Jared's octopus arms from his beltloops and turns to face his crestfallen co-star, feeling a little guilty. Which is ridiculous, of course, because he never said anything about going to Jared's tonight, and nor did Jared, until now. He just assumed.

'Yeah,' Jensen says gently. 'But Todd and Darren asked me if I wanted to go out with them, and I said ok.'

'Oh,' says Jared. 'That's cool. Where are we going?'

'Uh, I don't think you want to come with us, Jare. The place we're going, it's...um, it's a gay bar.'

'Oh,' says Jared, sounding confused, and then ' _Oh._ Is it, like....a date?'

'No, dude, for the last time, I am not dating Todd!'

Jared just looks at him.

Jensen sighs, rolls his eyes, and pokes Jared in the stomach. ' _Or_ Darren. Who is so not my type, by the way. We're just gonna go out, have a few drinks, shoot some pool, maybe ogle some hot guys, No biggie.'

Jared's face clears, and he grins and shoves his hand back into Jensen's bag of chips. 'Ok, cool. So I can come!' He pulls his hand out of the empty bag, stares mournfully at it and then starts licking the flavoring off his fingers, which Jensen doesn't watch.

'Um....no? What part of 'gay bar' didn't you get, there, sasquatch?'

'What, they don't let you in unless you're gay? That's discrimination. And how would they make me prove it, anyway? You have to blow the bouncer to get in, or something?'

'Jared, ew. Of course they'll let you in, I just....why would you want to come?'

They're almost back at their trailers now. Jared fakes a huge sigh and slings an arm around Jensen's shoulder. 'Because, Schmeckles, just as I predicted, you're trying to ditch me to go and do gay things with your gay friends, and I won't allow it.'

'What am I, your babysitter?'

Jared's face falls. He slides his arm off Jensen's shoulder and drops his head, and Jensen instantly feels bad.

'Jare, I didn't mean...'

'I, um, I was just kidding,' says Jared, trying to smile. 'Course you don't have to...you don't need me tagging along. Sorry. I just. I've never been to a gay bar. Sounded fun, is all.'

Jensen closes his eyes. One of these days, he thinks distantly, his complete inability to say no to Jared Padalecki and his sad eyes is going to get him into a whole heap of trouble.

'Don't look at me like that, Jay, a'course you can come if you want. Just don't expect me to fend off every guy who wants a piece of your pretty ass. And try not to get us in any more fights, alright?'

'Gay bars have fights?'

'Like you wouldn't believe,' smiles Jensen, flipping open his phone to text Todd and tell him that their party is now plus one giant, excited, heterosexual Texan.

 

\----

 

'Oh man,' grins Jared, bouncing up and down in the back of the cab. His head keeps hitting the roof. 'I'm excited! What's it going to be like? Is what I'm wearing ok? What kind of music will they be playing?'

Todd and Jensen exchange amused looks. Darren's running his fingers through his hair, trying to get it right; eventually he huffs out a despairing sigh and pulls his hat back on.

'Well,' says Jensen, 'There are two gay bars in Vancouver that I know of. There's Phoenix, which is more like a club – you know, music, discoballs, sometimes a show, a whole bunch of people in fluro taking E and sweating on each other.'

'It's pretty awesome,' interjects Darren, 'but Jensen's all 'oooh, it's too loud, ooh, my personal space is being invaded, ooh I feel so violated....'

'That was one time,' frowns Jensen, 'and I was violated! Mike fucking Rosenbaum threw up in my _mouth._ If that's not an invasion of personal space, I don't know what is. I like Phoenix fine, Jay, but we're not going there tonight. We're going to Freddy's. It's more of a – just a bar, y'know? They've got a proper old-school jukebox, and pool tables, and the food is kind of the bomb.'

'It is,' sighs Todd lovingly. 'I dream about their ribs. Yeah. I'm gonna order ribs as soon as we get there.'

'And do I look ok?' asks Jared anxiously. Jensen flicks his eyes over Jared's long body; he's wearing jeans that look a couple of sizes too small for him, that goddamn Texas belt buckle, cowboy boots and one of his limitless range of pink button-downs.

'Yeah,' says Jensen soothingly, 'You look fine.'

'You look like the gayest one here, is what you look like,' snorts Todd. Jared swats at him and blushes. It's probably true. Darren's in his usual baggy jeans and hoodie, albeit the cleanest one he owns, and Todd and Jensen are pretty much identically dressed in jeans, T-shirts and leather jackets.

 

 

The bar's pretty quiet, for a friday night, although it's early yet. There's Cowboy Junkies on the jukebox, a couple of guys eating at the long wooden bar, a few at the pool tables and maybe a dozen more scattered around at tables and booths. Pretty much everyone turns to look at their little group as they stroll in, most of the stares focusing on Jensen and Jared. Jensen usually aviods being recognised when he's out, but with Jared looming right behind him, he supposes they're hard to miss. He can tell from the way Jared's fidgeting that the scrutiny is making him nervous, so he wastes no time in leading them up to the bar, ordering beers and a round of shots, and finding a booth in the corner. Todd's still at the bar, ordering his ribs and flirting with the barman, and Darren smirks and nudges Jared.

 

'Shall I throw one of these in his beer?' he stage-whispers, waving one of the sauce packets on the table. Jared giggles back 'Yeah, do it,', taking a sip of his own. His eyes meet Jensen's across the table and he smiles and kicks gently at Jensen's shin under the table.

'Thanks for letting me come, dude. It's....it's not what I expected.'

'Oh yeah, how?'

'Ah, you know. Just...it's so....normal?' Jared laughs self-conciously. 'Most of these guys, if I saw them on the street, I'd have no idea. I thought there'd be more....you know. Drag queens and belly shirts, I guess.'

'Phoenix!' exclaims Darren, banging on the table. 'Tol' you we should have gone to Phoenix.'

'Darren, did you finish your beer already?'

'Yeah, and Todd's. And now I need to take a leak, actually.'

Darren takes off in the direction of the men's bathroom, and Jensen leans in and whispers consipratorially to Jared 'And by that he means 'take a leak and add to the graffiti and smoke a joint out the window,' which makes Jared dissolve into laughter.

'Hey,' he says. 'Wanna play pool?'

'Only if you're keen to get your ass whupped, Padasucky,' smiles Jensen, already getting to his feet.

It's a good night. There's pool, and drinking, and ridiculous eighties cheese on the jukebox. Darren disappears with a tall dude in a cowboy hat halfway through the night; Todd rolls his eyes and assures them he'll find his own way home. Jensen flirts, a little, with a couple of the guys Jared and he end up playing pool with, but mainly he looks out for Jared. Jared's a strange drinker. He gets sloppy drunk quickly – a couple of beers and he's flushed and slurring, giggly and clumsy and even more affectionate than usual – but then his condition seems to stay pretty much level from then on, he doesn't seem to deteriorate much further no matter how much he drinks, until eventually he'll quietly slip away and pass out somewhere. Jensen's found him asleep in some pretty strange places, Jensen's closet being one of the most memorable.

 

 

It doesn't seem to affect his performance on the pool table much, either. The two guys they're playing with just keep losing, to Jared's delight. Jensen accepts his hugs and high-fives with good cheer, but he's pretty sure that Jared doesn't realise the main reason their opponents keep losing is that they're completely distracted by Jared's ass in his too-tight jeans.

 

Towards the end of their fifth game, though, one of the guys – Jensen thinks his name is Gary, or is that his partner? Whatever, beer is nice – is leaning across the table to take his shot, and Jensen watches in mounting awe as Jared, so casually that it almost looks accidental, positions himself right in the poor guy's eyeline, and then very deliberately rolls up his sleeves, spins a chair round, grabs the back of it with gaint hands and just.... _leans,_ long, golden-muscled forearms picked out in sharp relief in the soft light, long back a straight, sloping line, the curve of his perfect ass impossible to look away from. Jensen hears Gary choke and completely miss his shot, and tears his eyes back to Jared's face. Jared just grins at him, shifts his weight from one leg to the other, and fucking _winks._

The devious little shit.

'You're a devious little shit,' slurs Jensen later as he manhandles Jared into a cab.

'Mmm,' mumbles Jared agaist Jensen's chest. Jensen's got him half in, but his legs are still sticking out and they are _long,_ goddamnit. Jensen's not an engineer, and even if he were, he's pretty sure there'd be no way to fold them in there. He gets a shoulder under one of Jared's thighs and pushes, and Jared slides across the seat on his back until his head hits the opposite door.

'Using your ass to win at pool. That's low, J-Pad. You're a low down sonofabitch. Can you pull your fucking legs in already?'

Jared started giggling as soon as Jensen started pushing him along on his back, and he hasn't stopped. 'Jen,' he mumbles, flapping a hand around vaguely. 'You're touching my butt. Aha.'

'Yeah, well if you don't somehow fold yourself into this goddanm car I'm gonna kick it.'

Jared manages to pretzel himself in, and Jensen flops in after him. Todd's....he doesn't know where Todd is. Last he saw of him, he was promising the bartender he'd show him how to set his arm on fire. Stuntmen. They are literally all crazy.

Jensen gives the cab driver Jared's address while Jared scrabbles himself upright, only to slump sideways into Jensen's shoulder. This is pretty standard for drunken cab rides – Jensen in the corner, Jared collapsed into his side, taking up as much room as humanly possible.

'C'mon now, Jay,' says Jensen softly, poking at Jared's side. 'Don't you go fallin' asleep on me yet.'

'Mmm,' says Jared again, smiling with his eyes closed. 'S'your fault for being so comfy.'

'Jensen Ackles, professional pillow,' sighs Jensen. He lets his hand drop to Jared's chest and stares out of the window, mesmerised by the lights of Vancouver sliding past in the night.

'Jen?'

'Mm?'

'Had a good time. We kicked ass in there.'

'Yeah, Jay, we did. You fit right in. Oh, man, those poor guys...you teased 'em half to death, Padalecki. You're a fuckin' menace, you are. Such a fuckin' slut.'

Jared shifts on his seat, chuckles dark and low. 'Love it when you talk dirty.'

Jensen hadn't exactly realised he was still talking, but the lights are beautiful, and Jared is beautiful, and he can see stars through the shredded clouds above them.

'So,' says Jared, and Jensen realises that the cab's stopped. They're at Jared's apartment. 'Can we go to Phoenix next time? I wanna take E and sweat on you.'

Jensen laughs, leans over and pops Jared's door. 'Sure, Jay.'

'No Rosenbaum, though. Why was he puking in your mouth anyway? How d'he.....why d'you let him...Were you guys....?'

'He walked up to me, covered in luminous paint, stuck his tongue down my throat and then puked,' grimaces Jensen, slowly peeling Jared away from his side. 'Not the best day for my ego. Or my tastebuds.'

'He can't come,' says Jared decisively, swinging his legs out.

'Got your keys, Jay?'

'Yeah,' says Jared, unfolding his body from the cab and slamming the door. He reappears on Jensen's side, smiling broadly. 'M'fine. Go home, Jen.'

Jensen wants to walk him to his door, to his bed, to make sure he's ok, but he knows he shouldn't.

'Night, Jay.'

'Night, Jen. Oh, and Jen?'

Jared's halfway to the door, but he's turned back, his warm breath making icy clouds in the moonlight.

'Yeah?'

'Thankyou.'

 

\---- 

 

'Jen, have you ever dated someone famous?'

'Dated? No.'

Jared laughs, loud and happy, cracking his bloody makeup, and skips his knight deftly over Jensen's queen with long, sugary fingers. 'Check. Ok, have you ever _fucked_ someone famous?'

Jensen castles with a sigh. He doesn't know why he plays chess with Jared, except possibly that it makes Jared happy. Jared is a fiendish genius at this game, and half his genius lies in distracting his opponent with inane chatter while ruthlessly calculating their downfall. Jensen never wins, even when Jared's so tired he can barely stand up, or when all the pieces are replaced by shot glasses and every piece you take, you drink.

That was a good night.

Jensen frowns at the board. He thinks he might see an opening that Jared hasn't spotted, but he's not sure. It could just be walking him into more trouble.

'I let someone pretty famous fuck me in the bathrooms at the Devour premiere party,' he says absently, 'but I'm not telling you who. Honor among closet cases, and all that.'

Jensen almost misses Jared's sharp intake of breath, but he doesn't miss the bishop dropping from his fingers, clattering onto the board and taking down several pieces with it.

'Jay?'

Jared's staring at Jensen wide-eyed, cheeks tinged pink and something close to panic in his eyes.

'You,' he chokes out. 'You...he...you?'

Jensen frowns, and begins repositioning the pieces carefully. 'Jay, don't be gettin' weird on me again. You asked.'

'Uh,' says Jared. He pushes the hair out of his eyes, takes a deep breath. 'Sorry. I just...for some reason I never, uh.... I always pictured you being....'

'You didn't think I'd bottom?' asks Jensen curiously. It's always interesting to know how other people see you. 'Not always, but....yeah, I like it. S'good.'

Jared flushes bright red at that, dragging a hand over his eyes and laughing nervously before picking up the bishop and fumbling it down two spaces from where it was.

'Check,' he mumbles. He stands up suddenly, scraping his chair back, and runs a hand through his hair.

'I gotta, uh. Bathroom.'

When Jared gets back from the bathroom, Jensen grins smugly up at him and gestures at the board.

'Checkmate.'

 

\----

 

When the revelation comes, it's not really a revelation at all.

They're at Phoenix. It's karaoke drag night. Jensen's sprawled in a booth, watching the dancefloor, waves of drunk and stoned and happy washing over him. Tom and Mike are making out in a corner, covered in silver feathers and what looks like the poisonous shit from the inside of glowsticks. Darren has shed his hoody and hat to reveal a terrifying bleach job and a pink mesh shirt and he's grinding on the dancefloor with someone who looks like Bryan Adams' uglier brother. Todd is nowhere to be seen. And Jared – Jared is up on stage with Alona, shirtless, dripping wet and covered in pink glitter, a bedraggled lei draped around his neck. He's got one arm hooked around Alona's tiny form and they're gyrating ridiculously and belting out an extremely off-key and extremely graphic version of 'I Touch Myself'.

 

Jensen watches, watches Jared's face, lit up and indescribable, watches as he finishes the song and throws Alona over his shoulder, leaps into the crowd with Alona still laughing and kicking against his back, and thinks hazily, _god, I love Jared,_ and then, suddenly, sharp and crystal clear, _Oh my God. I love Jared._

He turns the idea around in his brain, examines it from all angles. It's sound. It's undeniably correct. He wonders how he hasn't noticed before, and thinks maybe he's always known, and just ignored it. Frankly, being around Jared makes him so happy there's been no need to think about it. And....there still isn't, really, so Jensen drinks Todd's beer, doesn't think about it, and watches Jared fall over, buy drinks for all the people he dominoed, carefully position cocktail umbrellas in his hair and eventually wind his way back through the tables towards Jensen, looking flushed and blissful.

'Jensen!' he exclaims, when he gets close enough to be heard over the awful Kylie Minogue song that's currently being murdered by what looks like three drunken fratboys and a drag queen. He sounds as if seeing Jensen is a wonderful surprise.

'Hey,' smirks Jensen, holding out Jared's drink. 'Good show. Must be expensive, being as clumsy as you.'

Jared crashes down onto the seat next to Jensen and flings an arm around his neck. 'It's my Jensen,' he slurs happily. 'Jen....I love you, man.'

'Yeah, Jared,' smiles Jensen. 'I love you too.'

As revelations go, it's definitely not a biggie.

 

\----

 

The next revelation....it's not really a big surprise either. It is, however, a lot harder to ignore.

They're at Phoenix, for the fourth week in a row, at Jared's insistance. Jared loves the place to a scary degree. He seems to have found his spiritual home, somewhere among the leather-clad cowboys and the dude who always comes dressed as a bananna, possibly as a crude sexual innuendo or as part of a fruit-fetish subculture that Jensen knows nothing about.

It's just Jared and Jensen this time; Alona's out of town, Tom and Mike are in LA and Jensen's not sure what's going on with Todd or Darren. Last time they were here, Todd set his arm on fire, got in a fight with the Bryan Adams dude, and then a yelling match with Darren, and now neither of them are answering their calls.

It's only about midnight, but they've got reshoots tomorrow and Jared's already weaving like a boxer, sloppy and dishevelled and delectable, so Jensen starts the familiar process of getting Jared into a cab - coaxing him away from his new friends (he's always made about twenty new friends by the end of the night) locating his cloakroom stub, finding his shirt, stopping him from buying any more drinks, and gently herding him out of the door. It usually takes about half an hour. Tonight, though, Jared's unusually docile, loping long-legged behind him as he pops the fire exit and heads towards the road, dialling a cab as he goes.

 

 

When they reach the street, Jared finds a bench and sprawls easily down onto it, yawning contentedly and snuggling further back into his coat.

'Sit, Jen,' he huffs, snagging a finger in Jensen's belt and jerking him down to sit beside him.

'Oi, bigfoot, quit manhandling me.'

'Never,' says Jared happily, pulling Jensen up against him and wrapping his arms round his waist.

'Hate you,' mumbles Jensen, meaning the opposite.

Jensen tips his head back against Jared's shoulder and closes his eyes, just for a moment. He listens to the ebb and flow of the city, feels Jared breathing against his back, listens to the blood rushing through his body, constant and reassuring. He's pretty sure that Jared's drifted off to sleep when he hears him say 'Jen?'

'Mm,' says Jensen, realising foggily that he had probably been kind of asleep, too. 'Yeah?'

'How do you know if a guy likes you?'

Jensen is silent for a long moment, trying to think of an answer that makes sense.

'I dunno,' he says eventually, watching his breath ice up and drift away in the cool air. 'How do you know if a girl likes you?'

Jared sighs, shifts behind him. 'I usually just know.'

'Yeah.' Jensen breathes out again, gently, watching it turn to gold under the streetlight. 'Well, I guess it's the same. I can usually just...tell.'

Jared's silent for a while, and when he speaks he sounds....tired.

'Oh, ok,' he says softly. '. I just thought....maybe it was different with guys.'

Jensen feels like maybe he's missing something, but he doesn't know what.

 

 ----

 

He figures it out a week later, slumped at the end of Jared's couch with a beer hanging loosely from his fingers and Jared snuggled against his chest. Snuggled is the right word. There's no other word that adequately describes just what's happening here, that describes the solid warmth of Jared against his ribcage, the soft darkness of his eyelashes against his skin, pale in the light from the television, the vulnerable contentment in his small smile.

Jensen feels anchorless, head drifting free after their last smoke. He reaches a hand up and pushes it into Jared's hair; Jared lets out a small contented noise that worms its way into Jensens's insides, making everything there feel warm and golden. His fingertips are against Jared's skull and he can feel the bones, feel the warm skin over it, and for a moment he's sure he can feel Jared's mind right through his skull, feel it moving, heavy and warm, smoke and blood and life with a rhythm that matches his own.

'I'm very stoned,' he says out loud.

'Yeah,' murmurs Jared.

'You are, too, because you haven't said anything for ages, and you only shut up when you're stoned.'

'Yeah.'

Jensen thinks about the last couple of months and it all seems quite clear.

'Sometimes I just don't look at things the right way,' he says.

Jared shifts against him, twists his head round so he's staring up at the bottom of Jensen's chin. His voice is sleepy and rich with lazy laughter.

'Jen,' he asks, blinking slowly, 'The fuck you talkin' about?'

Jensen considers saying nothing. He could. He could just let things go on like this. It'd probably all turn out fine.

'Jay,' he says, soft and low, running his fingers through Jared's hair again because he knows Jared likes it. 'Don't get angry at me for asking this, ok?'

'Mmm?'

'Are you....have you? Uh.'

Jensen starts moving his fingers in little circles on Jared's scalp, and Jared pushes into his hand appreciatively, making little noises of satisfaction in the back of his throat.

'Jared, have you been thinking that maybe you're.....maybe you're not as straight as you thought you were?'

Jensen feels like the words have filled up the whole room, sitting heavy and silent in the darkness all around them. It's still better than trapped inside his head, too big for his skull. A pressure shift. My head is like an airplane, Jensen thinks to himself. And my thoughts are like air. But also the air is like air, too. Jared's body is tense against his, still and frozen; Jensen can hear a heart hammering fast and panicked, and doesn't know which one of them it belongs to.

Jared breathes out suddenly, a soft whoosh that's loud against Jensen's ribs, his drumming heart, another shift in pressure. Jensen doesn't know whether it was made of thoughts or air or something else.

Jared chuckles, low and soft, his breath warm against Jensen's neck; it's a happy sound, unexpected in the darkness.

'Not just a pretty face, huh? ' he mumbles, voice husky and new, and then he's moving, shifting his warm body, bracing his arms either side of Jensen's head, eyes dark black and staring straight into Jensen's.

'It's just you,' he says.

Jared dips his head, eyes never leaving Jensen's, and then he's kissing Jensen, really kissing him, no hesitation, no doubt, hot and slow and breathtaking, his body warm and heavy, little satisfied noises escaping as Jensen fists a hand in his hair and hooks a leg between Jared's, pulling him closer.

Jensen can't think about this, not at all, because his mind's fallen into a blissful black hole and he never wants it back. He understands dimly that he's kissing Jared back like he's starving, which perhaps he is, the taste of Jared flooding his senses. Jared has one huge hand cupping Jensen's face, long fingers stroking his temple as he catches a lip between his teeth, and the other under Jensen's thigh pulling him more fully onto the couch, pulling his knees apart for Jared to lie between.

Jared moans into Jensen's neck, something incoherent that sounds like 'Jen' and 'fuck' and runs a hand down Jensen's flank, warm and posessive, pressing their bodies closer together. Jensen doesn't know how long they've been kissing on this couch, tangled together and lost; it could be two minutes or twenty minutes or two hours. He doesn't know where he ends and Jared begins, and he doesn't know how to stop

Jensen realises his fingers are sliding against bare skin, warm and smooth and beautiful beneath his rough palms, his hands greedy under Jared's shirt, tracing the contours of Jared's back. It should feel weird, like an adjustment, all the invisible barriers between them trampled in the dust, but it doesn't. Maybe they were never there to start with. _After you've been shocked a few times, you stop testing the fences,_ thinks Jensen, licking at Jared's collarbone (sweat and makeup and cologne and indefinable unnatainable indescribable undeniable Jared), finding the mole he knows is near Jared's spine, just above his waistband, and wonders how long he's considered Jared's body his own personal territory.

Jared breaks away from Jensen's mouth, taking a shaky breath, and then mouths at Jensen's neck helplessly as he pushes his hips down against Jensen with a noise between a moan and a whimper. Jensen tips his head back and growls, brings his hands up to cup Jared's ass and pull him down harder as he grinds up, gritting his teeth around a gasp when he feels how hard Jared is against him. Jared pants out another broken moan and bites his way into Jensen's mouth, hard and desperate, and Jensen bucks up again, Jared's supple narrow hips moving against him, round ass perfect in his hands.

' _Jesus,'_ gasps Jensen. He can't remember the last time he was this hard.

Jared pulls back. 'The name's Jared,' he drawls, smiling wickedly down at him, eyes blown, hair tousled, lips puffy and kiss-swollen.

'Jesus,' says Jensen again. It's Jared. It's _Jared,_ and they're dry-humping on a couch, and on Monday they have to go be brothers on TV.

Jared grins and ducks his head back kiss Jensen again; Jensen pulls away, eyes wide, and Jared immediately switches to his neck, kissing and nipping his way down Jensen's jugular. It makes it very difficult for Jensen to do what he has to do next.

'Jared,' he croaks, his voice coming out raw and cracked. 'Jared...oh, _fuck,_ Jared, _stop.'_

 _'No,'_ growls Jared, sliding a hand under Jensen's ass and slotting their hips together again.

' _Yes,'_ hisses Jensen, pulling back sharply and then slamming forward, flipping Jared onto the floor before his treacherous body gives in and pulls Jared back on top of him, holds him down hard and rubs off on him until he comes.

Jared hits the floor with a surprised yelp, scrambling unsteadily to his feet and raking a hand through his hair. He looks shellshocked and shaky, his face a picture of hurt and confusion, pupils still wide with arousal and the dark.

'Jay,' says Jensen placatingly. His voice sounds rough and broken. 'Jay. We need to.....we have to stop.'

'No, we don't,' says Jared fiercely. 'I don't want to stop. Do you want to stop?'

Jensen looks straight at Jared, holds him with his eyes while he stands up and straightens his clothes.

'Yes, Jared,' he says, his voice steady as he can make it. 'I want to stop.'

Jared's chest is heaving, his harsh breath the only noise in the quiet room. Jensen realises the movie ended long ago and they're back to the silent menu screen, shifting light throwing ghosts of patterns across his face. He wants Jared so badly.

'We need to....Jay, you're wasted. I'm wasted, and this is...this is a lot. We need to....go to bed, cool off. We can talk about this in the morning.'

'Ok,' says Jared, stepping back. He takes a deep breath, rolls his shoulders and pinches the bridge of his nose. 'Ok. Sorry.

'Okay.'

'Alright..'

'Okay, well. Goodnight, then, I guess.'

'Yeah, uh....sleep well?'

Suddenly it's stiflingly, agonisingly awkward, and Jensen stumbles towards the guest room, not daring to look over his shoulder at Jared shuffling to his own, head down and shoulders sagging.

Jensen does _not_ sleep well.

 

\----

 

Jensen meant to be up first the next day, to be showered, dressed and on the outside of at least three cups of coffee by the time Jared got up, but it seems that even at the weekend Jared is up ridiculously early. Jensen hears him come crashing back in after his run with the dogs, knocking things over and _shh-_ ing Harley conspicuously when his tail starts thumping against the kitchen counter, and feels affection grab painfully at his chest, picturing Jared hopping around pulling off his socks and sneakers. He'll be in his sweats and tank top, sweaty from his run, and his hair'll be sticking to his face, which will probably be all rosy-cheeked and flushed....

Jensen decides it would probably not be prudent to come out of his room until Jared has changed his clothes.

When he hears the shower turn on, Jensen bolts into the kitchen and starts brewing coffee and rummaging for food. By the time the coffee's ready he's found three different types of stale cereal and is perched at the breakfast bar, considering creating some form of hybrid. He gulps down his coffee like the life-giving elixir it is, stuffing Raisin Bran into his mouth with the other hand; of course that's when Jared walks in, clean and still damp in jeans and a fresh T-shirt. Jensen lets out an undignified snort, chokes slightly on his cereal, clamps a hand over his mouth, and manages to swallow most of it, painfully.

'Morning,' says Jared, looking amused.

'Hey,' nods Jensen, suddenly self-conscious in his boxers and oversized t-shirt.

'Hey.'

Jared's staring at him. He is. Jensen watches Jared's eyes flick from his sleep-mussed hair to his bare legs and back up again, and then realises that he's only able to watch because he's staring right back.

So it's a daytime thing too. Good to know.

Now that he knows how easy it would be to walk over there, now that he knows exactly how Jared would feel in his arms - knows the solid weight and the contours of him, the way their bodies fit together - the urge to do it is shockingly strong, a gravitational drag that Jensen's pulling against with everything he's got, toes curled around the crossbar of his stool, hands white-knuckled fists at his side.

Jared drops his eyes and approaches tentatively, positioning himself on the other side of the counter. Jensen passes him coffee, wordlessly, and Jared pours himself some, cursing when he spills some on himself. It's so like so many other mornings, but everything's different.

'So,' says Jared, not meeting Jensen's eyes. 'We should, uh, talk about last night, huh.'

'Yeah,' agrees Jensen, staring at his coffee cup. There's a slight kink in the bottom of the handle. It's really very interesting. 'We, ah, we should.'

Jensen had never noticed how loud the clock in Jared's kitchen was before. After about four minutes of agonising silence, Jensen decides he has to say something.

'When I was fourteen,' says Jared, so quietly that Jensen almost misses it. 'When I was fourteen, I thought that maybe....some of the things I thought about weren't normal. I thought maybe I was....a homosexual.'

Jared's voice is calm, soft and even.

'But then I thought about it, and I figured....I couldn't be, right? I like sports. I don't care about fashion at all. I'm tall and kind of strong. I don't have a girly voice. I liked drama but I couldn't sing at all. There weren't any gay kids at our school, but.... I saw a thing on TV? And I was nothing like those guys. So. I figured, you know, it was just normal to see a guy and notice that he's good looking. Nothing wrong with being observant, right? And girls....I liked them, I suppose. I mean, I guess. They were fine. And they liked me, so....cool.'

Jared pauses and shifts a little, flicks his eyes up towards Jensen's and back down again. Jensen keeps his gaze steady, even though he can barely hear Jared over his own heartbeat.

'So I never really thought about it,' Jared continues. 'Didn't need to. But then, um. There was. You.'

'Me?' asks Jensen, his voice sounding hoarse and unused, even though it's only been a couple of minutes.

'You,' says Jared, sounding almost amused. 'You were kind of everything I always wanted to be. You know, you're.....crazy hot, you're really good at playing tough guys without being a douche about it, you're funny without being desperate, you're just....' Jared laughs a little, finally meeting Jensen's eyes across the counter, blushing slightly. He leans across and pokes Jensen's midriff with a long finger. 'You're so _cool_ , dude. The kind of guy I would have wanted to be friends with in highschool but I'd never have got the courage to talk to you, y'know? But, for some reason, we get on real good, and you never make me feel like a dumb kid who doesn't know what he's doing, or any of that Hollywood bullshit. So. That was cool. That was good. And then.'

Jared's voice is almost up to a normal volume now. Jensen makes a small sound that he hopes is encouragement.

'Then you said you were...you know. Gay. And....I'm sorry, Jen, that I acted the way I did. I know it seemed like I was weirded out. I was, but not really 'cause of you. It just...threw me, because Jen, if _you_ can be gay, if you can, then.....well, pretty much anyone could be, right?'

Jensen doesn't need Jared to say any more, because he understands, but he lets him say the words anyhow.

' _I_ could be.'

'Mmm,' says Jensen. It's not articulate, but it's early. He thinks for a minute that that's it and opens his mouth to say something, but it seems that Jared hasn't quite finished.

'So,' he says. 'So I kinda.....tested the idea. That maybe I was. I did a lot of research. Thanks for that. And I went out with you guys, to Freddy's and Phoenix. That was awesome. Thanks for that. And I met lots of people, and they were all pretty awesome. But I, uh. Didn't feel like...There wasn't anyone I....that made me feel the way you make me feel.'

'Uhm.' Jensen clears his throat, looks anywhere but Jared. 'How's that?'

Jared just stares back at him, eyes black and unrelenting under messy bangs.

'I think you know,' he says quietly. 'I think I gave you a pretty good idea last night, Jen. I just..... _God,_ Jensen, you're just....you have no idea.. When I look at you I want things....I want to do things to you I don't even know how to do. You make me...crazy. I can't even _think_ straight around you.

Jensen snorts. Jared frowns, then rolls his eyes and flips a pen at Jensen's head. 'Puns. Really, Ackles? I'm pouring out my soul, here.'

'I know,' sighs Jensen. He feels like his chest is going to burst.

'Your turn,' says Jared softly. 'You kissed me back last night. I didn't imagine that.'

Jensen closes his eyes, tries to find the right words. When he opens his eyes again, something hopeful is gone from Jared's face.

'Jay,' he says. 'You didn't imagine it. It was....nice. But we were drunk and high and not thinking. I can't....we can't do this.. Work and everything....it could really ruin everything we've got here. You're my co-star. You're my brother, for fucksake.'

Jared's face is closed off, hard and expressionless. Jensen forces himself to look Jared in the eyes, tries to let some of his love, his desperation, bleed through in his voice.

'Jay, you're my best friend. I love you. And....if you were thinking it was maybe something to do with how you, uh, look, you are _very_ attractive, so please don't think it's that.'

'What is it, then?' Jared's voice is flat and dull.

'It's just too weird. I know you're....having some big realisations, here, and I'd love to be able to help you out, but ...I just can't.'

'Can't what?'

'I can't be your experiment, Jared. I'm sorry.. I just...can't be that for you. I'm really sorry.

Jared stares at him with something that looks like disbelief.

'I better go,' mumbles Jensen, sliding down from his stool. 'I should get home. Thanks for everything. I gotta....I just need....But, uh....see you tomorrow?'

'Yeah, tomorrow,' replies Jared distantly. 'Sure.'

'Kay,' says Jensen, managing a wobbly smile.

He makes it to his car before breaking down and sobbing against his steering wheel.

 

\------

 

Jensen pulls himself together and drives home. He never could cry for long; after a while the inherent absurdity of the act always gets to him and he begins to laugh at himself. He doesn't feel like laughing now, though.

He lets himself into his apartment, pulls off his clothes and stands in the shower, staring straight ahead. He knows it's foolish to hope that hot water can wash Jared's hands from his skin, burn away the memory of the taste of him, the sounds he made when Jensen bit on his lips or licked at his jaw. He turns the heat up until it's nearly painful anyway.

Afterwards he gets dressed, does laundry, cleans the apartment, and thinks about Jared. He tries not to, but it's been a long time since he's thought about anything else, and he's out of practise.

So Jared's possibly gay, or at least bisexual. What does this mean? Will he tell everyone? It's almost something Jared would do, and career be damned. On the other hand, there's not much point in telling everyone unless he has

_oh god_

a boyfriend

_oh god_

which he doesn't

_yet_

and anyway he doesn't seem very sure about anything at the moment. He'll probably just keep dating girls and this will all have been some weird hormonal phase that they'll never talk about and Jensen will have done the right thing. Sure, he'll have to spend the rest of his life knowing what it's like to kiss Jared, and knowing that he can never do it again, but that's....that'll be ok. He'll fall out of love with him eventually, surely.

The other possibility is that Jared will start dating guys and Jensen will have to watch him and smile and try not to think about the fact that Jared's first time with a man was with some guy called Dave or Ben or fucking Martin and not Jensen.

Jensen doesn't even try to convince himself that that scenario doesn't suck out loud.

 _It's still better than him using you for practise and then ditching you for Matt or Chris or Andy,_ he tells himself sternly, but actually he's not so sure any more.

Jensen looks around at his immaculately clean apartment.

'Fuck this,' he says, loudly.

 

 ----

 

Jared opens the door in his workout clothes. Jared works out when he's stressing about something. Or when he's irritated, or hyper, or happy. And he works out every day anyway. The fact that he's working out actually holds no clues as to his mood. Jensen tears his eyes away from Jared's sweaty chest and looks at his face, which is wary and surprised.

                

'Hey, Jen, what's up?'

Jensen doesn't know. He can't remember any of his carefully rehearsed speech.

'Todd set his arm on fire, and I'm shitty at chess,' he blurts.

Jared screws his face up in incomprehension.

'What?'

'Todd set his arm on fire,' Jensen repeats. 'At the bar. He _set his arm on fire_ to impress that guy and I'm pretty sure he wasn't even in love with that dude.'

'What?'

'I just mean, people take stupid crazy risks all the time, and they seem to survive.'

'No, I mean....what?'

'And I'm not good at chess because....I can usually see a way out of whatever mess I'm in, but I'm really bad at thinking a few moves ahead.. The consequences. You know?'

'Jen,' says Jared, shaking his head. 'I don't....what?'

Jensen takes a deep breath.

'I think what I'm trying to say,' he says, 'What I'm trying to say is, there's no point worrying about you breaking my heart, because....I'm pretty sure it's already too late for that.'

There's silence. Jensen stares at his feet, chewing on his lip. A jogger runs past them on the sidewalk, staring curiously at them, Jared framed in his doorway, Jensen standing on the step like a salesman or supplicant.

'Jen;' says Jared softly. 'When you said that thing about Todd. When you said that he wasn't even....that he wasn't even in love with that guy.'

'Yeah.'

'Were you. Are you trying to say you're in love with me?'

Jensen folds his arms, shoots a quick look around. 'Come on, man.' he mumbles, staring at his feet. 'Don't make me say shit like that out here.'

Jared stares at Jensen. Jensen refuses to meet his eyes. Jared closes his eyes, opens them again and rolls them to the sky as if hoping for divine help. Then he grabs Jensen by the shirt-front, yanks him inside, slams the door and pushes Jensen up against it, arms braced either side of his head and hips and long legs trapping him in place.

'You're fucking retarded,' says Jared seriously, face inches from Jensen's and eyes burning holes in his skin. 'Actually fucking retarded. I'm gonna kiss you now, ok? And you ain't gonna say shit.'

Jensen nods and Jared lets out a breath that's almost a moan and kisses Jensen so fast, so hard and good, Jensen feels something explode in his chest like a solar flare, dizzying and suffocating and _finally._ His hands are digging holes in Jared's hips and shoulders and Jared doesn't care, pressing up against him harder, cradling his whole head with giant hands and biting at his jaw and neck, muttering words that Jensen only catches snippets of – ' _seriously, the guy you're in love with tells you he's fuckin' crazy about you and you think it's some kind of experiment? Fuck, Jensen, you just...what you do to me, like I can't breathe without you, how do you taste so good, what the fuck is wrong with you?'_

Jensen 's hands are inside Jared's shirt, rucking up the back and smoothing down the planes of his body, clawing at his back and digging into the muscle of his ass as he kisses Jared back, deep and messy, breath coming in ragged gasps and head smashed back against the wooden door. He feels as if he's being devoured, Jared above and around and all through him.

'Jared,' he pants, pulling back from Jared's hot wanting mouth, his pink bitten lips and flushed perfect skin.

'This better be good,' gasps Jared, pulling Jensen's hips against his own, tracing fingers down Jensen's face and across his mouth; Jensen can't think for a minute, caught up in imagining sucking those fingers into his mouth, the taste of them, getting them wet.

'Yeah,' he manages. 'I just – bedroom. How about we. How about we try some of those things you don't know how to do, huh?'

Jared groans and closes his eyes, stepping back from Jensen to press the heel of his hand to the painful-looking bulge in his sweats.

'Ok,' he says shakily. 'Yeah. Let's do that.'

It's different, once they get into the bedroom. More real, suddenly. They stand there, staring at each other apprehensively.

'Jen,' says Jared. He sounds nervous all of a sudden. 'You're gonna have to....I don't....'

'Ok.' Jensen feels calmer, suddenly. 'It's ok. We'll just....you can't really go wrong. C'mere.' He leans up into Jared again, kisses him softer and slow, shifting his hands up into Jared's hair. 'First of all, are you....are you sure about this? You gotta be sure.'

Jared pulls back, pupils blown and smile hazy.

'Oh my god,' he murmurs. 'I'm so sure.'

'Cool. Alright. Well. I'm gonna get naked. Is that alright?'

'Yeah. Yeah. Definitely. Ok.'

'Help me.'

Jared nods, takes a stumbling step towards Jensen and starts tugging at his shirt, while Jensen works on his belt and zipper. Jared pulls the shirt off over his head and Jensen strips off jeans and boxers in one swift movement, and then he's standing there naked, Jared's hands still on his neck and shoulders, his breathing fast and shallow.

'Shit,' breathes Jared. 'Shit, Jensen, you're....'

Jensen sinks backwards onto the bed, looks up at Jared. He can't help smirking at the expression on Jared's face, dazed and incredulous. He lies back, feeling powerful all of a sudden.

'Turn over,' rasps Jared hoarsely. 'Wanna see all of you.'

Jensen rolls over, props himself on his elbows and grins back at Jared over his shoulder. Jared's staring at him, eyes flickering over back and ass and thighs, breathing heavy and broken.

 

 _'Fuck,'_ Jared whispers. 'Fuck, Jensen, I just wanna...get my mouth on all of you, I can't even...'

He laughs self-consciously, scrubs a hand over his eyes. 'I don't really have any idea what I'm doing here, man.'

Jensen flips back onto his back, already hard and leaking from the scrutiny. Also, something about Jared's wide-eyed inexperience is kind of hitting the spot for him; it's never been a kink of his before, but then everything about this is kind of new.

'S'ok,' he says. 'Come on. Just...take your clothes off and get down here.'

Jared nods, pulls off his undershirt, exposing all that tanned skin and smooth muscle, everything Jensen's spent months trying not to think about, and then he's wriggling out of his sweats and underwear and crawling up the bed, hair in his eyes and long legs straddling Jensen. Jensen opens his arms and Jared collapses ungracefully onto him; suddenly they're skin on skin, hot and slick and touching everywhere, chest to ankle, and Jensen nearly loses his mind, lets out a groan that's almost a whine and hears Jared echo it, a whimper of pure pleasure that rips out of him involuntary and unstoppable.

Jensen shoves a hand in Jared's hair, pulls his head back and kisses him, hard and hungry, and Jared shivers, his hips stuttering down against Jensen's. Jensen can feel Jared's cock, stiff and slippery, sliding against his stomach, can feel Jared's skin against his own. He thrusts up helplessly, hooking a leg over Jared's to keep him close.

'Jen,' Jared gasps shakily, pushing himself up onto his elbows and undulating his hips down again, eyes half closed and mouth open, a sinuous movement that Jensen feels everywhere. 'Jen. Fuck. Gotta touch you.'

'God,' chokes out Jensen, fingers digging into Jared's shoulders. 'Please.'

Jared slides a hand between them, wraps his fingers around Jensen's cock, lets out a groan when Jensen whines and bucks up into his fist.

'Jared,' hisses Jensen, head turned on the pillow, eyes screwed shut. Jared begins to work his hand up and down, perfect pressure and agonisingly slow, biting at Jensen's neck and chest. 'Shit. Jared. Not gonna last. If you - You're gonna make me – I'm gonna -'

'Shh,' whispers Jared, licking over Jensen's nipple with his hot tongue. 'Yeah. Want you to. Want you to come for me, Jen. Want to see. Please.' His hand speeds up a little, one finger stroking lower, mouth still busy, and Jensen groans out one desperate ' _shit, Jared,'_ and comes all over Jared's fist and his stomach and the whole fucking world, it feels like, like he's just shot his guts out through his dick, stomach muscles spasming and mouth straining upwards.

Jensen comes to; it feels as if he's been floating, limp and useless, in a hazy netherworld of pleasure for years, but it can't be much later, because Jared's still there, looking down at him breathless and triumphant and staring at the come on his hand.

'Holy _fuck,_ Jensen,' he says, voice shaky and half-laughing, and then he brings the hand up to his mouth and licks some of Jensen's come off, pink tongue darting out and back, just tasting. Jensen can't watch, because there's no way he can get hard again anytime soon, but if he sees shit like that, his dick's gonna try.

'You taste good,' says Jared, husky and proprietal. Jensen gathers his strength, surges upwards, uses the leg that's still hooked around the back of Jared's thighs to flip them over, holds him down with his palms flat on Jared's chest. Jared lets out an 'oof' of surprise but doesn't fight back.

'Jared,' he says, breathless and head still spinning, dopamine and endorphins still racing through his sated body. 'Jared, I'm gonna suck your cock now. Okay?'

Jared groans, throws an arm across his eyes as if trying to shield himself from something dazzling.

'Don't, he stammers weakly. 'Workout – haven't showered – you don't have to – we can just...'

Jensen silences him by sliding down, pressing a hand on Jared's hip to keep him still, and licking a wet stripe up his cock, lying red and angry-looking aginst his stomach.

'I don't care,' he growls, and then sucks the head into his mouth and slides his lips as far down as they'll go, until the tip of Jared's cock is stretching the back of his throat, intoxicating taste and pleasant burning stretch. Jared's hips jerk, trembling as he fights not to buck up into Jensen's mouth, a desperate moan tearing free between laboured breaths, and Jensen fucking loves this, loves it, wants to stay just like this with his lips wrapped around Jared's beautiful dick and Jared spread out and helpless on the bed in front of him for hours, for days.

Jensen slides his lips down and back up again, licks around the head and works his fist on the base, and Jared says ' _shit, fuck, Jensen,'_ all whimpery and needy, and then 'Jensen, goddamn,' rough and deep, fingers petting Jensen's head, one hand fluttering down Jensen's face to feel the shape of his cheek, trace over his lips. Jensen lets Jared's cock slip almost out of his mouth and then feeds it deliberately back in, letting Jared feel the place where it slides in with his fingers, moaning deep in his throat.

Jared slams his head back against the pillow, grits out 'Jensen, I'm gonna-', pushing futiley at Jensen's face with shaky fingers; Jensen growls his disapproval and screws down deeper, and Jared loses it, loses his battle against his hips, thrusts up wildly and comes down Jensen's throat, eyes screwed shut and teeth gritted, muscles in his neck and stomach in sharp relief in the afternoon sun.

Jensen just stares, stares and stares at Jared lying there sweat-sheened and golden and dazed, thinking _I did this to him_ and feeling like a god.

Then he thinks, _I'm never going to get enough of this, not ever in my life._

He crawls up the bed and flops on his back at Jared's side, staring at the ceiling and listening to Jared's breathing gradually slow. On a whim, he puts his hand out and rests it over Jared's chest, feeling his heart thumping fast and steady.

'So,' says Jared finally. 'I think that went, uh, pretty ok.'

'Only ok?'

Jared rolls onto his side, eyes very green and meeting Jensen's, face alight and smiling.

'Don't fish for compliments,' he says. ' You know you're amazing.'

Jensen feels a flush spreading from his face down to his chest. 'You. Uh. You're pretty incredible yourself.'

Jared just grins back at him, stupid and bright.

'Need more practise, though.'

'Yeah?'

'Yeah.'

'We can do that.'

There's silence, a warm glowing silence. Jensen rubs a hand down his chest.

'So,' he yawns. 'I guess that's goodbye to Jared's heterosexuality.'

'Byyyeeee,' drawls Jared lazily. 'Don't come back. Won't miss ya.'

'How do you feel?'

Jared considers for a moment, and then says, ' _Hungry.'_

Jensen barks out a laugh, and Jared shoves at him, mock-annoyed and sheepish.

'Sorry, dude, I was just about to eat something when you came in and distracted me with your. You know. Half-assed confessions of love and definitely _not_ half-assed blowjobs.'

Jensen feels like he's going to have premature wrinkles from laughing too much if he sticks around Jared much longer. It doesn't seem an unreasonable price to pay.

'Kay, well, shall we go find something to eat?'

'Yeah,' mutters Jared. 'In a minute,' and he hooks a leg over Jensen's, noses his face up to his ribcage, wraps a warm had around Jensen's hipbone and pulls the discarded comforter up around their waists.

'Oh, what a surprise,' smiles Jensen, rolling his eyes, chest impossibly full. 'You're a cuddler.'

'Quiet, fool,' huffs Jared into Jensen's side. 'You wanna hit this, you gotta pay the price.'

Jensen smiles, drags lazy fingers across Jared's sweat-tangled scalp, and lets his eyes drift closed. 

 

THE END

 

      

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Holy crap, I'm so glad that's over.  
> I've been sitting on this for months and months; I totally lost my porn-fu and couldn't write the last bit for the life of me, and I wasn't really happy with the rest of it anyway. But last night I just decided to smash it out, get it up here and now, I hope, I can move on to something else.
> 
> My apologies to Todd and Darren; obviously I know nothing about your personalities or sexual preferences in real life. And I didn't start this out with any intention for anything to be going on between them, but somehow, when I read it back, it kind of comes across that way? So if you picked up on that, I apologise for the complete lack of resolution to that tiny subplot. It all ends up ok, I promise, with minimal third-degree burns.
> 
> I am considering writing a porny sequel with more porns, if anyone would be interested.
> 
> If you've made it this far, thankyou!


End file.
